Not A Classroom Person

This earlier weeks been the rough week to me. College task deadlines, the longing, the unsatisfied feeling, the anger, the pms (great excuse), and so many other things. And then I realize something, to enjoy everything I need to know my self first. I need to be more than just an acquaintance to my self. I have to put standard (for direction) on everything so I don't get lost. And it's really hard. It's just that I'm so random human being. I could be blue, I could be brown, I could be violet sky (MIKA), you know, I am so not constant.....

And the saddest is that I always thought I never been better than anyone else in everything, I am so clumsy, sad and pathetic. Hehe. Okay that's exaggerating. But yeah, I can say that I am not that good at doing college task, I am not that active in class, I am not that close to any of lecturer, I may always be underestimated in group discussion, I am just so clumsy and sad.

But then, I realize, I am not that good to put my self in social motives situation. I am not that excited to have any motives to do something because If I wanna do something, I just do. I never really care about the rational matters and risks. And the mistake is I never want to be close to anyone just because I want something from them. Or I never really care to shine in class with some unique or original questions in class. What if I like to analyze my own question and answer it as if I am the statement giver? Why do I have to be a classroom person? 
Well, my statement is just so wrong to be applied in this cruel life called reality, especially in classroom. You can't do that, you can't be too naive. You have to put effort so the lecturer will see you, so the group want hear you. You can't just underestimate your own self or in java language nrimo. But well, I am that kind of person. I never been taught that I am a winner, or I am the best. I always be the second, the second child, a forced altruist, I have to put someone else first than my self. And that is so wrong in a classroom. I wasn't taught to shine.

And well, now I know that I am not a classroom person. I am not that excited to do competition or so called things. I don't intend to climb anything in my social life or my academic life. Ok, this is so wrong...... But what can I do? People born different way, way of thinking, way of to go through life, and no institution teach that. Institution always want us be an extrovert, be an active person in life, be a success in "their" way of thinking. And I? I like to keep my self in mind. I don't care if it would lead me to be not rich or not successful person, I don't really want that, well at least now. I just want to be in my own tranquility no matter people said. Hehe. I am an introvert, study in social major, and I guess that is so wrong. Who feel me? What should I do? Okay, just eat it. 

"There will be an answer, let it be~" said The Beatles.

Well, I guess this is just an excuse for being a shy person. hehe. But fuck it. I hate classroom.

Oh yea, this is my first accomplishment of this week, I am so happy tho hear it even if it is just a very small things, but yea, it's a good ending for this week :D

This invitation say I can't be the winner, but I and Hana (we are in one team) can attend the workshop and awarding because our team is in the best 10 queue. This will be my first time ever awarding. Hehe. Oh ya adwar is  Advertising Competition by UI (Universitas Indonesia)
Well at least it'll be suddenly holiday \:D/